We live a life of constant surprise. What we expect to stay the same, what we predict will change, what happens next in the progression of history is often dashed by the actual events. When we sit in wonder, in shock, wondering, "how could this be?", then we balk at the sight. We feel confused, alone, without direction.

Friends are fickle sometimes. We attach to them, perceiving a commonality. We feel safe, secure in their presence; we see ourselves as maintaining this blessed state, this tranquil peace, for the future.

And then suddenly everything falls apart.

What you once called solace, you find bitter solitude. What was once a cause of unity now painfully divides. What you once held so dear is snatched away like the foam of the sea, drifting away forever amidst the murky gloom. You seclude yourself in dark corners and ask yourself where it all went wrong, how it could have all been different, and how much, how much it hurts to contemplate the way things have changed.

In the middle of it all you can't find the words to say your regrets, to pour out your innermost doubts. Where will you find comfort from despair? You search in the corridors of memory and emotion, losing yourself to an ever-accelerating swirl of bitter regret.

But then life starts to work out. Broken walls are re-erected, closed doors are re-opened. What was thought to have withered and died sprouts with new bloom. Life goes on, indeed, life is renewed. Sometimes you can see that it's even better.

But then the heartaches still occur. You find yourself grasping at straws as those to whom you gave so much care and concern seem to squander the friendship that has been offered so generously. You see innocence mired in vice, unable to realize that it is trapped, beholden to a master that promises false peace. And then you still think about that one who started it all, who brought down everything that you once knew...and reach out to his soul in hope.

For the Greater Glory.

--Juan


P.S. Don't worry, I'm fine. Some recent event got me thinking about a past that once haunted me, but, by Grace from above, I'm learned to cope with and accept as a part of my life story. I suppose that I've been meaning to express this reflection for some time now. I hope it proves illuminating.

P.P.S. BTW, I can't change the "mood" from where I am, for some reason.